lalkhiangte's weblog

#Unlearn

Posted in Uncategorized by gkhiangte on November 5, 2015

We start learning from the time we are born till the time we die. Learning can be a big challenge. However, Unlearning is as important as learning itself and sometimes it is a bigger challenge to unlearn and to re-learn. I have listed some things I could unlearn in my life because unlearning is a mother of learning.

  1. Unlearn what society say is beautiful and learn what I think is beautiful.
  2. Unlearn what my Sunday School Teacher said are evil and learn what is pure first in order to know what’s evil.
  3. Unlearn my parents’ warning against strangers and learn that unfamiliar can become familiar.
  4. Unlearn the social conventions and learn newly set principles defined by me.
  5. Unlearn what people think of me and learn to embrace what I think of myself.
  6. Unlearn stories told by others and learn to tell my own stories.
  7. Unlearn relationship rules and learn to create new rules.
  8. Unlearn the limited boundary of imagination placed by schools and learn to think outside the box.
  9. Unlearn that failure is a bad thing and learn that failure can help me figure out my real potential in times of desperation.
  10. Unlearn trying to fit it and learn that when I’m comfortable with myself I’ll belong.
  11. Unlearn that happiness is attained from outside and learn that happiness is already within me.
  12. Unlearn that self-love is selfish and learn that when I love myself first I can love the world better.
  13. Unlearn that being in love is the ultimate goal and learn that falling out of love is just as fine.
  14. Unlearn that crying is a sign of weakness and learn that being vulnerable and showing emotions is what humans do.
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#ChurchBullies

Posted in Uncategorized by gkhiangte on November 4, 2015

Tute nge Church Bully te chu?

Khawvelah hian ‘Bully’ hi an tam khawp mai a. ‘Bully’ tih chu Mizo tawng chuan mi endawngtu, mi tihrehawmtu, hnuaichhiahtu, midangte mahni thuhnuaia dah tum rantu tih te pawhin a sawi theih awm e. Mizote hi Kohhran chhungkuaa awm leh khawsa kan ni deuh ber mai  ti ila kan ti sual thui awm love. Kohhranah hian hetiang kan sawi ‘Church Bully’, kohhran zinga tel pawh ti nuamlo rum rum hi an awm em tih han thlir dawn teh ang.

  1. Mahni thu duhte:

Kohhran rawngbawlna peng hrang hrangah rawngbawltuten thahnemngai takin hna an thawk thin a, a ropui hle. Hetih rualin thenkhat chu thahnemngaih luat lutuk vang nge ni midangte ti tuilo thei hial khawpin hma an la thin a. Midangte ngaihdan lak pawh hrehin, mahni thiamna leh finna hmangin hmasial takin thu an ti tlu thin fo. Kohhran Committee zingah pawh hetiang mahni thuduh leh mahni tha tih ang agenda kaltlangpui duh tlat an awm thin. Upa zingah pawh mipuite kheuh thiam riau ang chi an awm ve fo.

  1. Rawngbawltu senior intite: 

Rawngbawlnaah a lo tel hnem tawh leh tel rei tawh te an awm teh meuh mai. Anni tel lo chuan Kohhran rawngbawlna pawh thui tak a kal theih awm love. Amaherawhchu, thangthar leh kohhrana lo tel thar leh in hmang tharte tan an hnawksak ve duh fo. Committee-na hrang hrangah an tel kim lawi si a, midangte thu ngai chang lovin, anmahni lo hriat hnem tawh atangin thurel an ti tlu fo. Member dangte rilru senna tur zawng zawng an dal thin bawk. Inthlahrung takin a la junior deuh ten an ngaihdan an han sawi ve dek dek a, anlo hau ti tih zel duh mai bawk a, hei hian rawngbawlna a tithuanawp duh chawk.  Tin, Rawngbawltu senior thenkhat thu duh takte hian ‘kan ti hnem tawh alawm’ ti ni awm takin kohhran hnatlang emaw chet velna reng rengah, an che tha duh lem lo bawk. Tawng erawh an chuh fo zui.

  1. Sawisel sur sur tute:

Kohhran chu Kohhran Hruaitute Committee hrang hrang thurel bawhzuia kal leh hmasawn a ni a, hemi kawngah hian kohhran mipuite hian chanvo kan nei ve a. Hruaitute thurel lo zawma, lo bawhzuipui hi a ni. Kan duhdan ang kherin an rel lo ang, mihring chi hrang hrang awm khawm kan ni a, duhdan leh ngaihdan a inang thei lo hrim hrim. Chutiang kara mipui zinga lo tawngthei fal emaw hruaitute thurel lo sawisel rengtu an awm thin. Heng mite hi kohhranah an hnawksak duh hle. Midangte rilru sukthlek an ti chingpen duh bawk. A hunlaia mahni rilru sawi chhuak duh silo leh hruaitute pawhin an ngaihdan an zawh laia engmah sawi tha duh silo an ni duh chawk. Mahni puak chhuaka rilru senga thurawn tha tak pek tur nei chuang silova, eng pawh lo sawisel ching an ni duh bawk.

  1. Mi incheidana lo buaite:

Kohhranah hian a mak khawp mai, Pathian be tura kal theuh theuh, kan agenda erawh a dang thei hle awm e. Thenkhatin, rilru leh tihtakzeta Pathian pawlna an neih laiin, mi inchei dan ringawt lo buaipui an awm thin. ‘Chumi khami pawnfen chu a chhing lutuk, a sam tihdan a maksak lutuk’, tih tein an lo khei nasa thin hle. Heng mite hian Kohhrana tel an ti nuamlo thei hle. Thinlung chhungril lam en lova pawnlam lan dan ringawt lo buaipuitute hi mi mita khanchhuk la chhuak hmasatute chu an ni mai lawm ni?

  1. Langsarh duh luatte:

Kohhran rawngbawlna hi Lal Isua khawngaih rawngbawl hna ani tih hai khawpa mahni lansarh duh vang leh miten tha min ti se tih ni awm taka rawngbawltu an awm bawk. Heng mite hian anmahni hmalakna tih lansarh an ching hle a, mite fak hmain anmahni leh anmahniin an in fak zung zung thin. An hmalakna chu a tha lo pawh a ni lo, mahse ‘mahni in fak leh sakhi ngalah engmah a bet lo’ tih an sawi angin miin engahmah an ngaihloh phah fo. Rawngbawltu dangte hmalakna chu thlawp tha duh chiah silo leh lawmpuina pawh hrilh duh manglo anni duh bawk.

Heti zawng hi tun tumah chuan lo sawi ta  ila, a dang pawh in hre treuh awm e. Engpawhchu ni se, Church Bully nihloh i tum theuh ang u!

#TeenTalks

Posted in Uncategorized by gkhiangte on November 3, 2015

This #TeenTalks is a direct result of an invitation I got from YWCA of Aizawl to speak to teenagers of St. Joseph Higher Secondary School, Ramhlun as part of the Mental Health Awareness Programme.

Teenagers today particularly the generation born during 1990s seem to be going through a lot of social anxiety and pressures. They witness the massive explosion of the Internet and consequently social media which can be very intimidating at so many levels. Suddenly, they can see and hear about everything going on in the other parts of the world. This instant visibility of different mediated cultures across the media certainly has an impact on the teens.

First of all we need to understand who we are as humans? Let us reflect what the Bible says:

~ Psalm 139:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

~ Sam 139:14

I hnenah lawm thu ka hrilh ang che, hlauhawm tak leh mak taka siam ka ni si a;

I thiltihte hi mak tak a ni a; chu chu ka nunna hian a hre chiang hle a ni.

~ Genesis 1:27

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

~ Ecclesiastes 7:2

This only have I found: God created mankind upright, but they have gone in search of many schemes.

~Thuhriltu 7:29

Ngai teh, hei hi ka hriat chhuah tak chu a ni:

Pathianin tluang taka nung turin mihringte a siam a, anni erawh chuan an tikhirhkhan zo vek a ni.

Understanding Teenagers and Social Problems

Teenagers gain an increasing amount of independence from their parents as they enter middle and high school. Unlike the early years, kids in this age group often look to friends instead of parents for guidance. The pressure to fit in and be part of the “cool crowd” clouds the judgment of vulnerable kids. Now let’s look at some of the common problems faced by teenagers today:

-Teenage angst

-Peer pressure

-Body image issues/ Low self esteem

-Relationship problems

– Ambition/Job/Career/future goals

-Anxiety/Depression/Suicide

 noone-understands-me

Teenage angst

Teenagers are in the stage where they go through a roller coaster of emotions. It is biological and it is quite normal. This is a period when they feel nobody understands them, nobody gets them. It is a period when they are going through figuring out who they are as a person, trying to find their own identity and voice. Of course it is naturally tough to try to fit in with everybody and at the same time trying to be unique.

Peer Pressure

On a daily basis, teens influence their peers on everything from clothes to illegal activities. Why do they allow themselves to be swayed by peers? Fitting in and avoiding taunts is a major factor. No one wants to be left out. Kids who are curious about a certain behavior may decide to try, particularly if they think everyone else is doing it. Drinking or smoking at a party is a good example. A teen may decide to satisfy his curiosity if all of the other party guests are consuming alcohol.

Effects

Peer pressure results in poor decisions made by teens. A child who is on the fence about engaging in risky behaviors often goes along with the crowd to fit in, abandoning his own better judgment. Even teens who have refused to participate in a given activity in the past may eventually give in under peer pressure. Negative choices that routinely occur to fit in include:

-Gossiping

-Leaving others out of the group or making fun of them

-Bullying other teens, either physically or verbally

-Skipping school

-Stealing

-Engaging in sexual activity

-Breaking curfew and disrespecting parents

-Consuming alcohol or drugs

Positive Peer Pressure

While peer pressure is usually associated with negative behaviors, it is worth noting that some peer pressure results in positive outcomes. Teens have the power to use peer pressure positively by encouraging peers to make better decisions. For example, one teen might encourage a friend to avoid participating in risky behaviors or stand up for a bullying victim, thus pressuring the bully to stop.

Body Image Issues

body-positivity-and-image 

Teens today are easily influenced by what they see on the mass media: TV, Magazines, Internet and especially social media. The media is not helping in any way when it constantly supplies an endless array of what it thinks is beautiful. The media certainly plays a major role in providing a socially misconstrued image of reality to teenagers today. It could be easier for adults to decipher what is true and what is false representation of reality but it is certainly not easy for teens. Therefore, when teenagers see a young girl wearing massive amount of makeup or showing a lot of skin, they think it is what their counterparts think is ‘sexy’ and would want to look just like that girl. Social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc are influencing teens today in doing just that. The struggle to look like the next hot body, or the next pretty face is real for these teens.

funny-skinny-friend-eats-doesnt-get-fat    

There is nothing wrong in trying to look beautiful but when it reaches the level of hating one’s own natural beauty, it becomes a problem. Consider the enormous amount of fairness beauty products being sold online among these groups on Facebook or whatsapp. Someone will post a picture of a fairness cream aptly translated as “Ngona” in Mizo on one of these social media, and hundreds will immediately respond to it wanting to buy it. It continues to  add to one’s concern when young girls start taking drugs to look more fair or thinner. There is very little concern about health when it comes to their idea of ‘beauty’. Beauty does come with a price indeed.

ngona ad       

 You want Kylie Jenner’s lips. You want David Beckham’s abs. You want to look like the next Korean superstar. There is nothing wrong in looking beautiful, but the danger comes when you hate your own God Given beauty.

you are beaiftiful seek respect love-your-body-fair-image

Relationship problem

Young people fall in love and it is beautiful. The problem with today’s love story is that people die. Real love stories start to reflect reel love stories and it is scary. Teenagers take it the hardest when it comes to heartbreaks. It appears as if today, if you get your heart broken, you can’t live any more. This truly is sad news and we need to tell our young teens that it is okay to fall in love just as it is okay to fall out of love. They need to be reminded that they are still young and have ample time to find their truelove at the right time. They are going through what we call as infatuation and they need to understand that sometimes it does not last. As Christians, teens need to know that God has the best plans laid out for them in terms of a partner and that seeking His Counsel first is the first step to finding a lasting relationship.

relatioship   

Another related concern is the over sharing of private lives on social media.

relationship-problems

The constant sharing of one’s relationship statuses and problems on Facebook can become a degrading tool for these young people. It’s okay to express one’s feelings but sometimes there needs to be a line drawn in order to save teens from getting publicly humiliated.  Parents and elders need to lookout for such behavior online to protect their kids from getting hurt further more.

single 

Ambition/Job/Career/future goals

A lot of young people in our State are suffering from unemployment problems. In trying to find the reasons for it, one thing that comes to my attention is that people at a young age do not have a clear set mind on their ambition.

hardwork1 

The lack of setting a clear goal at their age is certainly one of the reasons for not getting a good job.  We need to start teaching teens today that if they want success in jobs, they need to earn it. There is no shortcut or an easy way to success.

Success-What-People-Think there-is-no-elevator work hard 

They see rockstars on TV doing their thing and living the rockstar lives and teenagers here want to live just like them. What they do not see or rather what they choose to ignore is the fact that these stars actually earned every penny they spent. They worked tirelessly mastering their craft and their success stories involve real struggles. Teens need to know that anything they want to attain in life worth attaining, they need to work for it. When you work hard for your goal, the reward is that much sweeter. 

Sweat-is-fat-crying-with-an-E-Card  

Anxiety/ Depression/Suicide

anxiety 

We hear increasing number of teens suffering from depression today than any other time. This is not shocking looking at all the things mentioned previously. Teens have an added pressure they face today and it cannot be easy. However, we also need to know that most of the problems we face are self inflicted and that many of us like to play the victim card. Teens need to know this truth and face the hard facts of life. A friend of mine is a certified Clinical Psychologist and has been giving counseling to those in need and what she has told me is harshly true. She has observed that most patients coming to her are suffering from neurosis; their problems are self inflicted and think that they cannot come out of their problems. Now, this kind of hopelessness and weakness need to be addressed seriously. We need to motivate people in making them become their own heroes and not always rely on others to help them out. At the same time, there are serious cases that cannot be put aside. The number of teens ending their own lives is truly heartbreaking and we need to do everything we can to prevent suicide.  Teens need to be reassured that they are not alone in this fight for mental health. Mental Health Awareness programmes such as this, is a good step towards securing a healthy head space for these teens.

depressed hold me

We also need to educate our kids to talk about it openly, discuss their problems with family members or friends or experts. Teens need to know that they can get help and that help can come in different forms. There are an amazing group of psychiatrists, psychologists and counselors who are ready to offer help to those in need. In all these, I wish to say that real healing can only come from God who created us, and who knows us inside out more than anybody. We only need to seek Him and He will give us the answers that we need. 

Lastly, I am extremely grateful to be able to talk to the teenagers here today. I hope our Hashtag Teen Talks have helped you in some ways. I truly hope it will motivate you to become the best person you can become. Remember, nothing holds you back than your own insecurities and being young may make you feel inferior in many ways, but do not let that dissuade you like it is written in the Bible, 1st Timothy 4:12 “Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young”.

Christian-Youth-Wallpaper-3 

The keywords here are-‘Do not let’. It means it is up to you whether you let anyone look down on you or not. We need to know that we are powerful and can do anything that we set our hearts on with God’s help.

consent  

 Like youngsters say it today #YOLO: You Only Live Once, so let’s live it to the fullest and brightest just as God intended for us!  #Peace&Love 

Sidenote: All pictures are borrowed from the internet 🙂

#Mean Girls

Posted in Uncategorized by gkhiangte on November 2, 2015

Recovering from bullying

Oh! I know a thing or two about mean girls. I was the subject of their torment in college years ago. Although I’m writing about the past, it still feels like it just happened yesterday. That’s how fresh the memory stays with you when you’ve been bullied. I didn’t know why some of the girls in my class hated me back then and I still don’t know why today. Was it because I was smarter than them? Was it because I didn’t pass nasty comments when people pass by like they did? Was it because I was a teacher’s pet? I don’t know. All I know is there were no possible reasons to make someone’s life miserable because they act a little different. Let’s face it we are all unique in our ways.

The whole episode happened in the first semester. No, they didn’t lock me up in a locker like we see in the movies, and that’s because, well, we didn’t have a locker. What they did was they just wouldn’t talk to me or hang out with me. They would pass nasty rumours about me that were totally untrue. They would avoid sitting next to me in class and so on.  I’m leaving out more details as they were too embarrassing to share. Of course, all these took place in a subtle way where most people wouldn’t notice. But I did. I felt horrible every single day I went to class. 

However, the guys in my class were cool so I hung out with them. I enjoyed their witty one liners and the times we shared creative script ideas. So basically, I didn’t lose out on male friends and it was much friendlier as there was no drama! The bullying stopped from second semester as it appeared they all wanted to be my friends all along and that it was just a misunderstanding…blah blah…(I forgave them of course being the nice girl I was)  Looking back, I don’t think I missed out a lot, I did have other friends outside college, they were mostly more mature and all working, so that made me more confident in my own skin. But the thing about not having same age group female allies at an age where you need it the most is that you feel left out. You feel like a weirdo and you feel like no matter how hard you try you just can’t fit in.

Today, as I’m sharing my story, I don’t know if I’ve been healed completely. Do you ever get healed even? What I do know, though, is that every time I see or hear girls or women acting mean towards each other, I get really sad. I find it unnecessary that we feel the need to one-up one another in some way or the other. Being mean to others is not cool and will never be. It does not help anybody, the victim or the bully! Let’s just say those who bullied me back then have ended up in places I don’t envy, and I’m not saying this in any degrading way but it’s just what it is. You give what you get.  

Today, as a result of such tormenting times, I have grown a thicker skin. I have become more confident in myself and I now know how to defend myself from bullies.  However, I have serious trust issues as a result and I tend to become a little too defensive and sometimes a little too aggressive. So you see, being mean to someone can scar a person for a lifetime. It takes years and years to pick up the pieces. I’m a grown woman now, but I still feel the pain every now and then. It does not matter if you’re a college student, a big officer or a mother, you can still be mean to others and it’s not okay. It is never okay to bully others in any situation. Think about it, if the same thing was to happen to you, would you think it was okay?